September 12th, 2007
I've spent two weeks here now; a total of eight days. I've had the chance now to feel out the characters that fill this house and have tried to find a way for mine to work with theirs. There's a two fold bridge to cross here; the bridge between student and teacher and the bridge over the language gap that you'll find anywhere in China. These bridges are always there with this kind of job, but Carina has made it her own. She's personalized the problem, adding her idiosyncrasies into the mix. She's not a hard nut to crack. I understand her and her position. She's a twelve year old girl with a lot on her plate, with very little time to herself beyond the two or three hours crammed in after meals. She's also the daughter of a wealthy Chinese man, and is accustomed to getting what she wants. She's not only a rich kid, but she's also a girl, and girls have different expectations here. It's not usual to push them too hard when they protest.
In China, it is unlucky to have a girl, as a boy can bring more to the family; he can bring in money to support the family with plentiful work and he can expand the family by bringing a woman into his bed and furthering the family name. A woman, on the other hand, is not expected to do meaningful or well paying work and is only expected to work until she finds a husband, at which point she leaves the family. She does not add to her family; she adds to his. The woman will always be close to the family, and her grandmother will often raise her children, but it's the general view that a daughter cannot provide as much as a son can.
If China had the technology, they'd offer gender selection in pregnancies, and the gender ratios would topple to one side.
Mr. Ma has five daughters. I don't know how he views this or what response he's gotten from his colleagues and friends. I do know that he pushes all of his girls to do well. His eldest daughter went to America and speaks English like a native. His youngest, he is determined to make into a tennis champion.
Mr. Ma pushes his daughters more than most that I've seen in China, but she's still his little girl, and when she puts up too much of a fuss, the general understanding is to let her win. I haven't done that. I have disciplined Carina twice now in these two weeks for the same reason. When she doesn't want to do something, she'll stop speaking in any language at all and start whining and screaming, stomping and glaring. At this point, I can't discern what the problem is and can therefore not fix a thing. When I talk to her at this point, she'll completely ignore me and refuse to respond. This is the definition of rude. If she doesn't want to do the work because it's too hard, or because she doesn't understand or because she's too tired or bored, she needs to tell me. I don't care what the reason is as long as she opens her mouth to communicates with me. After all, it's not filling in answers on a sheet of paper that will really help her improve her English, but rather testing out her English while trying to express herself.
Each time she did this, I took something away that she liked. The first time, I took away the movies and told her that when she wanted to apologize I'd give her one back, which I did. This time I took away all the mp3 players and told her when she wanted to do the work with me, I'd give her one and when she apologized, I'd give her the other.
I have given her one.
Today in class, she attempted not to speak at all and wouldn't respond when I explained to her why I took the mp3 players away and what she had to do to get them back, so I started the class anyway. At first, we answered questions by having her point at the right answer and shaking her head “yes” or “no”. Soon, she was reading the one word answers out loud and before she knew it, she was reading the whole poem and answering in full sentences. I think she caught herself in the end because she stopped talking again. It's an hour and a half class, and after one hour, she was getting tired and realized that she had been having fun talking with me and that she had forgotten all about the silent treatment. I thanked her for working with me on the poems and gave her one mp3 player, telling her that while I'm sad that she clammed up again, I was happy that she worked with me and told her how well she did.
“It's perfect! You don't want to learn, but you're doing a great job.” She smiled and rolled over, hiding her face in the blanket.
She still wouldn't talk to me for a while, so I'd circle a question and read it to her . “Here, answer this one.” Then I'd walk away, and wait for her to roll over and write the answer so I could correct it and circle the next question. Despite the fact that she wasn't speaking, there was a weird kind of communication going on, an agreement that we'd keep doing the work as long as I gave her the time to warm back up to me and open up her mouth on her own accord. Soon enough, she was reading those questions out loud too and we ended the class with her reading the finished poem to me. She was in a good mood and hung around after class to doodle in my book in English. On the front page, it now says in red ink:
My name is Sienna.
And below that it says
Perfect
The truth is that she wants to learn. She's uncomfortable because she's behind and doesn't know how to express herself and Erica can speak so much better than her. The competition often helps, but it also puts her in a pugnacious mood. When Erica isn't in class, Carina is okay with going slower, which might be a good thing as I can notice easier what parts she doesn't really understand, and she might not react as badly to not knowing the answer when there's not a friend around to witness and judge her mistakes. She needs to learn that it's okay to have the wrong answer as long as she wants to learn the right one.
If this goes the right way, I just might start to really enjoy this. For now, it's not half bad, and it certainly gives me something to write about. I understand that many teachers have come and gone here because they couldn't handle Carina. It's too bad that they didn't give her a chance. She's a handful, but she's just a kid and she needs a chance to learn. It will be difficult for me to motivate her and push her without turning her off, but it's something I'll have to learn. That is my job, after all.
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