Strange new discovery. Today Erica turned in her homework for what she wanted to be when she grows up. It was supposed to be written in rhyme, but it was their first homework assignment and rhyming is new to them, so it will take time.
I was expecting a lot of things; I expected her to talk about tennis and animating and I expected it to be pretty well written, but I did not expect to see The Cross in her work. This was her entry.
When I grow up I will be a famous tennis player. And at USOPEN, Wimbledon, I'll get a championship. When I'm rich I will be an animator. I will make great movies that story is in Bible. That movies will convey a gospel. And many people will obey god. (there is a crown drawn over “god”)
When I get older, I will buy a house. Like king's palace (same crown is over king)
And I'll live there happily.
A lot of the words Erica and Carina used in their homework I don't think they knew beforehand. Carina admitted to using a dictionary to find her words, but that being so, it still means that they both knew the meaning in their native language before they consulted the translating dictionary. I mention this because of the use of the word “Obey”.
I knew Erica was religious because she wears a little gold cross on a necklace which is very rare in China. Someone may or may not be religious, but they never go around showing it off. I wondered if she knew about China's stance on religion, and if she did, I can't help but respect the courage. I'm sure she's alone at school, as some of them must point it out and pepper her with questions. Possibly even teachers ridicule her for wearing it.
I didn't think god would come into topic in a class assignment though, and that it did, shows just how much of her life is pervaded with the notion of God. I'm used to seeing children and adults adorned in religious jewelry and attending ceremonies simply because it is the way of their family. It's not so much their necklace, but the one their mother makes them wear and that they've had on for so many years they've forgotten that it was there. I thought this was possible with Erica, but that does not lead to one brining up God unaided.
I asked her to tell me what she wanted to be when she grew up, not what she thought about the Gospel, and she has no reason to believe that I'm religious, so I doubt she'd be pandering.
It was the use of the word “obey” that really caught me though. I could imagine a child using the word “love”: “everyone will love god”, but obey? It sounds like a much older, strict little woman is in there; a woman who is somehow angry that not everyone obeys her god.
I think what throws me off about it the most is that I find myself looking at her differently. The majority of people you meet in America are religious in some way or another and it never makes me really think twice, but rarely are they children, and rarely are they on their own. I guess not seeing a parent dragging her along her religious journey is putting me off a bit. This girl is on her own in a way. She's not working and paying her own bills, but no one is raising her anymore. There's the Ayi and there's the other girls she lives with to help shape her ideals, but there is no child rearing here. I suppose 12 isn't too early for all that, but I would think that the ideals our parents try to instill in us are still independent of us and are apt to wane when we're on our own so early.
It's possible that my time in China has effected me on this topic. I'm no longer used to people talking about religion in the open and the only time it is brought up is either in theory or in whispers. You have to be careful about religion here. I've never once seen someone persecuted or arrested or anything of the sort for their religion, and none of my foreign friends have seen actions that would give reason for our hushed conversations, but the knowledge is there through fact and advice: do not publicize your religion. You are allowed to believe anything you want as long as you do it in your own home and do not attempt to convert people. China does, however, promote the idea that it's better to not have any religious belief at all.
I've met a few Christians on this side of the planet, and each time I have, it's put me off a bit. My old boss was religious, though newly so. He held Christian meetings at his English school every Sunday and had asked me if I wanted to join. Holding religious meetings of any kind in a business establishment is against the rules and I'm sure if the authorities found out, his school would be closed down, but I didn't mention anything. I did, however, try to bow out as unnoticed as possible when I came by the school during one of these meetings to pick up my pay.
There were many foreigners there, foreigners I had never seen before, and I couldn't curb the instinct to run. An American Christian holding out their hand to greet you is holding out their hand to bring you in as well, and I wanted nothing of it. I avoid Christians I think, and if my friends or colleagues happen to be Christian, I avoid the topic.
These were typical looking American Christians: placid white skin with touches of aggravated pink splotches from the China sun, bright blond hair that verged on white, round squishy bodies adorned with bright flowery shirts and skirts, under bright speckled faces with big toothy smiles. I have a distinct memory of the tall older man getting up to greet me. As I was walking by, he looked at me and his eyes locked on. He continued to talk to his wife for a moment while not loosing track of me then stood up and honed in. I don't think he even handled the niceties of ending the conversation with his wife first. With his head down and his hand out, he came up to me and reached for a hand. I wanted to resist, but there was his hand, seeking mine out, and if I didn't take it I'd have to feign a psychological predisposition against hand shaking or I'd effectively be logged in as atheist and they'd start their converting post haste.
The way he looked at me, with his head down, made me feel like I had just been locked in and I too felt like I couldn't look away. He had caught me in a net and was dragging me in squirming. His introduction didn't seem casual at all, but intent and purposeful. I was a potential notch on the Christian tally, and he wanted to bring me in himself. He mentioned that he hadn't seen me before and I told him I wasn't there for the meeting, I was just grabbing my check because I worked at the school. “Oh.” His face slackened and I felt like he was inspecting me suspiciously. He still had my hand. Maybe he wasn't going to let go. There was a good chance he wanted to keep talking.
“I didn't know Joshua was holding this meeting. I'll remember for next Sunday, but I have to go. I'm late.”
At that, he shook my hand again (it had sat sill and tacky in his hand since he had grabbed it, not moving or shaking my hand at all, but simply holding it, keeping me there), then he smiled at me with a warm welcoming air of which you see when two old friends meet and then, finally, he let go. I had to stop myself from sighing and quickly went on my way.
Only half of what I had said to him was a lie. I did indeed remember it for next Sunday and every Sunday afterwards when I'd avoid that school like the plague. The lie was that I had been busy. I had all the time in the world that day, but alas, fate would have it that I'm allergic to Christian socials.
I might be a little jagged on the subject of Christians. Maybe I've just met too many of them.
I'd hate to look at Erica differently just because she's religious though. I suppose you look at someone differently each time you learn something new about them, but I don't have enough information to judge on this topic. I think if it didn't involve the Christian Cross and the Gospels I'd be less ill disposed about it.
She's such an odd child. She's twelve years old and speaks Korean, Chinese and English. She spent two years I think in Sweden attending an English language school and is now devoting nearly every waking hour to becoming a tennis champion. When I take a step back and look at it, that all fits nicely with a Christian upbringing, but it fits so much better without one. How many tennis players have I met that were Christian? How many of them just loved the socials and pink party dresses? It is the type.
She wants to be an animator. She excels in school and language and is determined and hard working. I think I respect her. I sympathize for what I have in common with her and envy her for her better start and clear mind. I don't want her to be Christian, I've realized. I'd like to teach her and help her in her direction. I'd like to see her open up and become more and more talented over the time I know her. I don't want her to know that I'm “Not Christian” (it's nearly a religion on it's own now, the way people talk about it), because I don't want to push her away, and I'd instinctively like to avoid the topic all together.
I'm trying to balance things out as is. I need to find ways to get closer to Carina, to find a way into her brain to teach her and elevate her learning and comprehension of the English language and common sense. Erica is an easy case honestly. If she was my only concern, I'd have nearly no work at all to do. Carina is a challenge. She has a spotty, jumpy, uneven grasp of the English language. She says "3 o'clock 30", but can still mention being a tennis champion. That has a great deal to do with the fact that tennis is her main concern, but this theme is showing all over the place. She was left behind in English because she was busy elsewhere and when her old teacher tried to bring her up to par, she jumped everything in the middle. I'm hoping reading the stories will help bridge that gap. She'll have a lot of experience with grammar and contextual explanation and syntax with the basics and she'd widen her more expressive vocabulary. That reminds me, I need to study my linguistics books. I don't feel like I can do a lot of real work here. I'll have to work on that too.
As for Erica, I'll try my best to look at her just like the child she is, but with each new thing she says, she seems less and less like a child, which makes her more accountable in my eyes. She's twelve. I've seen her drawings, and they are of a twelve year old. She vies for attention and laughs from her friends and feigns errors in her work to hold off building enemies within her rank. She's a kid. She's just deceivingly bright and situationally independent. Grown men have fallen under the lure of the protection and simplicity of religion answering all the big questions for them, I suppose I can't fault a child for doing the same. I'm sure she was raised religious and that in her reality, it is of most importance, but that doesn't alter my desire to change that one bit. I'll just expose her to more of the world, not bringing up religion at all myself. Perhaps with a little perspective, she'll be able to see things on her own, and with the brain she has, I think she can connect the dots and make a decision on her own.
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